As portuguesas vistas no Hawai

LAUGHTER ONE
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly Portuguese), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!” and hung up. The husband asked, “Who was that?” The wife said, “I don’t know, some woman wanting to know ‘if the coast is clear.'”

TWO
Two Portuguese women are walking down the street. One notices A compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, “Hmm, this person looks familiar.” The second Portuguese says, “Here, let me see!” So the first Portuguese hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it’s me!”

THREE
A Portuguese woman suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the Portuguese woman is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, “No, honey, don’t do it.” The Portuguese replies, “Shut up, you’re next!”

FOUR
A Portuguese woman was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.  She proudly says, “Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.” A friend says, “OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin?” The Portuguese replies, “Oh, that’s easy: W.”

FIVE
What did the Portuguese woman say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? “Is it mine?”

SIX
A Portuguese woman had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. “My God!” the trooper gasped. Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. “Are you OK ma’am?” “Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the Portuguese chirped. “Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the Portuguese began. “I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ….” “Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”

SEVEN
Returning home from work, a Portuguese woman was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the Portuguese ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, “I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!

Tirado daqui

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